Raining In My Heart

We have had some scary news in Adoption World this past week. For reasons that I can't even begin to understand or explain, the U.S. Government has decided to require some potential adoptive families to provide DNA testing for their children and their children's known birthparents. In a practical matter, this means locating birthparents, convincing them to travel hours from their home to Saigon, be reunited with their child (whom they lovingly chose to give for adoption, and I can only imagine they ache for every second of the day.) These sweet people will likely be questioned and then will have to submit DNA to prove that they were in fact, this child's birthparent. As though the tears on their face and the anguish in their hearts wouldn't indicate that bond.

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Intolerable. Shameful. Awful. There are not enough words to describe the horror we feel at our government subjecting these kind people to this sort of treatment. It will certainly slow down the adoption process for everyone. It may end the adoption process for some, if birthparents cannot be located or chose not to participate. It is just wrong.

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Of course, there are the adoptive families - families just like us, who feel as though they have been hung upside down by their toenails emotionally. They wonder if this requirement will be possible, if they will ever be able to hold their children. We are most definitely in this category. Until this week, we only ever questioned "When" we might have David in our arms. Now we ache at the reality that we must wonder "If" we will ever have David in our arms.

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No, we do not have any final confirmation from the U.S. government if they will require this test in our case. Cruel, crazy irony requires that we must wait to even know if we are a part of this wrong or not. Please, please pray. Pray for birthparents who are hurting, for adoptive parents who are hurting, for future siblings who are hurting - don't even get me started on my fears of explaining our situation to Will. Most of all, though, pray for the children, who are the ones hurt most of all.

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Although I grew up in Colorado, my second home is Lubbock, Texas - the birthplace of legendary rock-and-roller Buddy Holly. His song, "Raining in My Heart" has been sticking in my head the past few days. Here's how it goes:

"The sun is out, the sky is blue,

There's not a cloud to spoil the view,

But it's raining.....Raining in my Heart.

The weatherman says clear today,

He doesn't know you've gone away,

And it's raining....Raining in my Heart."

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Kind of corny, I know, but it's the best way to describe my zombie-lifestyle since we got this news. It's spring, the trees are all in bloom, and yet....it's raining for me. I get up in the morning, make my way through my routine, go to preschool and soccer games and Starbucks, and yet....it's raining for me. I try to pretend that this news is just another delay, just another pile of paperwork, and yet....it's raining for me.

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Today I sat through church, smiled at folks in the halls, took Will to Sunday School, and yet....it was raining for me. That is, until our church choir sang an anthem today that was really a rearrangement of a simple little verse in Scripture:

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"But Thou, O LORD art a shield for me; my glory and the lifter up of my head." - Psalm 3:3

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Somehow, this one little verse just struck both Bill and me. God is our SHIELD - He protects us. God is our GLORY - He brings goodness and honor from the dishonorable. Most of all for me this week, God is the LIFTER OF MY HEAD. My head's been hanging pretty low this week. Please, LORD, I ask for you to lift it up.

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Dear Friends and Family, please pray this verse for our family this week. Pray that God will be our shield and protect all of us - Bill, Will, and me in OKC, and David in Vinh Long. Pray that God will be our glory in this situation - that He will bring goodness from this misery. Pray that He will be the Lifter of our heads, when we feel down. For my dear adoption buddies, I will be praying this without ceasing this week for you too.